Welcome to Long Time Caller, First Time Listener, a column where we, Trixie and Katya, give you, the reader, advice. Our answers may not be valuable, but they will definitely be irrelevant. Want your question answered by us? Email goopedsubstack@gmail.com. Please include a name/pseudonym and your pronouns!
Oof, Trixie’s reply about the creepy co-worker is not it! You don’t have to put up with that BS in the workplace and a 16 year old girl definitely does NOT have all the power. Take it to HR/your manager and have someone talk to him directly about the issue at the bare minimum. Calling your teen coworkers beautiful is gross gross gross.
Creeped Out Gal - Please bring this up to your boss &/or Human Resources. The bottom line is this person’s behavior is making you feel uncomfortable & that is not okay, it’s something that needs to be addressed. Talk to the other person at work who is also feeling uncomfortable to see if they will talk to your boss/HR as well, that way if you’re feeling nervous you have support there & also because you should both bring up those concerns. If it continues to happen, continue to bring it up & say you want it documented.
You have every right to feel comfortable & safe in your work environment.
As much as we love these 'women', answers such as the one Trixie gave to question 2 shows that they are still men, and have no idea how it feels, as a woman (of any age) to be preyed on by a creepy man. It is scary, and a teenage girl certainly does not have the power in that situation. She absolutely needs to talk to someone of authority, and if they don't take it seriously, take it further up the ladder until someone does. Even if she were to leave that job, that creepy man would still be there to prey on someone else.
To the girl who saw her dad kissing another man: maybe mom knows. Maybe they have an arrangement. So talk to dad first. With compassion. And see where that goes. If your mom doesn’t know, ask your dad to come out. You’re not supposed to cover for him.
And yeah. Trixie, very bad advice to the 16 year old with a creepo boss. Fuck him. Like Katya said. Get his ass fired.
WoW the ethical dilemmas and situations the question submitters are dealing with at 15 and 16 years old would be tricky and unpleasant at any age! I’m glad they’ve reached out for advice. But as an educator who works with kids and is constantly making counselling referrals. I would highly recommend approaching a counsellor at school or a trusted teacher. To try and get professional advice is very important. Even searching for free counselling and youth support services in your local area would be a good idea. Sending love & wishing your all the best for navigating such tricky situations. 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
I disagree with Trixie's advice here, although I think it's well-intentioned. Women are powerful, but especially in these situations and with someone who doesn't have the tenure or respect in the workplace, we are often powerless here. Women are often given this advice when confronted with an inevitable uncomfortable coworker it customer, and it's really not the best thing to do. A lot of us WILL use the "I have a boyfriend" as a way out in our younger years, but all its doing it bringing in another man into the situation that you're hoping this creep will respect... Meaning he won't back off if YOU are unwilling, but he will if he's in danger of disrespecting another man by encroaching on his "territory". Unfortunately the second element at play is also basically just putting up with it and letting him continue without consequences, if not to you, to others. Whether it's in a club, in a bar at a party, at work, whatever -- these weirdos need to hear NO in no uncertain terms, without an excuse. Having an excuse absolves you of your role here, it's "for reasons outside of your control" which leads them to believe you like it, want it, and allow it. Don't leave room for interpretation. Block, delete, make yourself unavailable, and go riiiight to HR. Dude should be fired. Trixie is right in that it's probably just the beginning, this seems to be an ongoing encounter you'll have for the rest of your life but you will get better at being confident and you'll learn to stand up against it. Often employers won't act until you're actually assaulted, they don't like "boat-rockers" and people who have any sort of issue that management must deal with, but it's important that he's reported for posterity at least. If not for you, for the girl who will replace you when you're gone, who has to work with him.
Oof, Trixie’s reply about the creepy co-worker is not it! You don’t have to put up with that BS in the workplace and a 16 year old girl definitely does NOT have all the power. Take it to HR/your manager and have someone talk to him directly about the issue at the bare minimum. Calling your teen coworkers beautiful is gross gross gross.
Creeped Out Gal - Please bring this up to your boss &/or Human Resources. The bottom line is this person’s behavior is making you feel uncomfortable & that is not okay, it’s something that needs to be addressed. Talk to the other person at work who is also feeling uncomfortable to see if they will talk to your boss/HR as well, that way if you’re feeling nervous you have support there & also because you should both bring up those concerns. If it continues to happen, continue to bring it up & say you want it documented.
You have every right to feel comfortable & safe in your work environment.
As much as we love these 'women', answers such as the one Trixie gave to question 2 shows that they are still men, and have no idea how it feels, as a woman (of any age) to be preyed on by a creepy man. It is scary, and a teenage girl certainly does not have the power in that situation. She absolutely needs to talk to someone of authority, and if they don't take it seriously, take it further up the ladder until someone does. Even if she were to leave that job, that creepy man would still be there to prey on someone else.
To the girl who saw her dad kissing another man: maybe mom knows. Maybe they have an arrangement. So talk to dad first. With compassion. And see where that goes. If your mom doesn’t know, ask your dad to come out. You’re not supposed to cover for him.
And yeah. Trixie, very bad advice to the 16 year old with a creepo boss. Fuck him. Like Katya said. Get his ass fired.
WoW the ethical dilemmas and situations the question submitters are dealing with at 15 and 16 years old would be tricky and unpleasant at any age! I’m glad they’ve reached out for advice. But as an educator who works with kids and is constantly making counselling referrals. I would highly recommend approaching a counsellor at school or a trusted teacher. To try and get professional advice is very important. Even searching for free counselling and youth support services in your local area would be a good idea. Sending love & wishing your all the best for navigating such tricky situations. 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
I disagree with Trixie's advice here, although I think it's well-intentioned. Women are powerful, but especially in these situations and with someone who doesn't have the tenure or respect in the workplace, we are often powerless here. Women are often given this advice when confronted with an inevitable uncomfortable coworker it customer, and it's really not the best thing to do. A lot of us WILL use the "I have a boyfriend" as a way out in our younger years, but all its doing it bringing in another man into the situation that you're hoping this creep will respect... Meaning he won't back off if YOU are unwilling, but he will if he's in danger of disrespecting another man by encroaching on his "territory". Unfortunately the second element at play is also basically just putting up with it and letting him continue without consequences, if not to you, to others. Whether it's in a club, in a bar at a party, at work, whatever -- these weirdos need to hear NO in no uncertain terms, without an excuse. Having an excuse absolves you of your role here, it's "for reasons outside of your control" which leads them to believe you like it, want it, and allow it. Don't leave room for interpretation. Block, delete, make yourself unavailable, and go riiiight to HR. Dude should be fired. Trixie is right in that it's probably just the beginning, this seems to be an ongoing encounter you'll have for the rest of your life but you will get better at being confident and you'll learn to stand up against it. Often employers won't act until you're actually assaulted, they don't like "boat-rockers" and people who have any sort of issue that management must deal with, but it's important that he's reported for posterity at least. If not for you, for the girl who will replace you when you're gone, who has to work with him.
Y'all are impossibly wise, even for your combined age of 71 :) thank youuu