Welcome to Long Time Caller, First Time Listener, a column where we, Trixie and Katya, give you, the reader, advice. Our answers may not be valuable, but they will definitely be irrelevant. Want your question answered by us? Email goopedsubstack@gmail.com. Please include a name/pseudonym and your pronouns!
I really like getting these. I think Trixie and Katya are great comedic writers and have a point of view that I find interesting and engaging. So far it feels like an extension of their modern guide to womanhood book, which I also loved. It’s a treat for me to get these little snippets and to see that Katya offers an extra/different bit of herself in her writing that is not on display in other mediums. Her thoughts are fully articulated in a writing style that is melodious and soothing, and stands in contrast to the funny meaning of what she is saying. I don’t fit the profile of the typical fan though and I wonder how many fans will be as engaged via this medium as I am.
T & K may not be the agony aunts we asked for but they are certainly the ones we deserve. As always, completely sound advice from two stunning biological women who - I assume - wrote the advice on parchment with a quill while lounging in their indoor arboretums and delicately sipping tea from the finest China.
Re: Not answering texts: I am both the person not getting texts back and also the one not responding to texts. Eh, these are weird times and quar has made me adopt an attitude of "I will only do whatever I feel like doing right now" and that never includes responding to texts. I just told everyone in my life that and they're like "Whatever, fine."
They DID try to bully/corral me into getting back in their preferred zone of responding immediately and I point blank said, "I'm not doing responses to texts, emails, DMs, or phone calls right now." They (and I) didn't know you could do that so here it is. When people don't respond to me, I assume they are also in a hidey hole. Let it go.
Re: potty training: when I was potty training, I remember having a though that I was afraid I was gonna kill someone one day. Nightmare on Elm Street was a whole thing so I called my Mom in to ask her what would happen if I murdered someone one day. She said, "You won't" and patted my hand. I said, "OK" and then learned about Freud's thoughts on anal retentive ness later. Still haven't connected the two but there's something there. I have not and shornt not murder.
So basically, get rid of your friends, family and casual acquaintances that weigh you down, reinvent yourself, hit the road and live your best alternative live. Are they advising bitches to somehow get in witness protection?🤔
What the fuck is going on in here on this day and on this newsletter? Trixie and Katya, you’re so much better than this it pains me. Every single piece of whatever you do is better than this. Even your tweets. Your farts. Whatever. I don’t care if you decide to take my money and close this operation for good. I’m close to put this on junk mail.
Oh, I’m so happy you are. Maybe I’m totally alone here. And that’s OK. For some reason these fake letters annoy me. I can imagine T+K being forced to write this content in between the fun things they do. I take more enjoyment out of a random Trixie tweet. And it feels way more authentic.
In the first post (maybe?) they said that Katya wanted to do it and Tracey said, "OK." Bc of that, I can't see forcing. I used to write a blog so would suggest something like this too; just for the funsie of creative writing. I can see where you're coming from like that something like that what you're positing could be happening but I just get the sense that it's more for fun OR someone said to them, "Substack makes $ and it's low risk/effort so why not?" If I had a platform, I'd for sure use it in this way not even for $ but just for LOLs/scratching creative writing itch. 🤷♀️ 😜👏
IN FACT, I'm having fun writing in the comments in the sort of vein that I used to write my blog before I realized my boss was reading it when I was in LA. That scared the shit out of me (even though he said he liked it) and I couldn't write with any specificity/fuckery anymore. Shit got real vague. "This weekend, I went to a museum [MUSEUM NOT NAMED]. We [OTHER PERSON NOT NAMED] had something to eat [POT BROWNIE NOT NAMED] and watched a movie [MOVIE NOT NAMED]. We had fun [WERE STONED AND LOL-SCREAMED THROUGHOUT]. What a nice day [OF UNBRIDLED PUBLIC DEBAUCHERY]." When I read them back? Even I didn't know WTF the contents of these missives were and I haven't gotten my fuckery back. I feel like you pals can take it.
I really like getting these. I think Trixie and Katya are great comedic writers and have a point of view that I find interesting and engaging. So far it feels like an extension of their modern guide to womanhood book, which I also loved. It’s a treat for me to get these little snippets and to see that Katya offers an extra/different bit of herself in her writing that is not on display in other mediums. Her thoughts are fully articulated in a writing style that is melodious and soothing, and stands in contrast to the funny meaning of what she is saying. I don’t fit the profile of the typical fan though and I wonder how many fans will be as engaged via this medium as I am.
I very much agree!! I love Katya’s writing so much, it sticks with me, and Trixie’s writing sounds just like her standup and translates really well
these are genuinely so funny 😭, maybe you guys should do comedy
T & K may not be the agony aunts we asked for but they are certainly the ones we deserve. As always, completely sound advice from two stunning biological women who - I assume - wrote the advice on parchment with a quill while lounging in their indoor arboretums and delicately sipping tea from the finest China.
Re: Not answering texts: I am both the person not getting texts back and also the one not responding to texts. Eh, these are weird times and quar has made me adopt an attitude of "I will only do whatever I feel like doing right now" and that never includes responding to texts. I just told everyone in my life that and they're like "Whatever, fine."
They DID try to bully/corral me into getting back in their preferred zone of responding immediately and I point blank said, "I'm not doing responses to texts, emails, DMs, or phone calls right now." They (and I) didn't know you could do that so here it is. When people don't respond to me, I assume they are also in a hidey hole. Let it go.
Re: potty training: when I was potty training, I remember having a though that I was afraid I was gonna kill someone one day. Nightmare on Elm Street was a whole thing so I called my Mom in to ask her what would happen if I murdered someone one day. She said, "You won't" and patted my hand. I said, "OK" and then learned about Freud's thoughts on anal retentive ness later. Still haven't connected the two but there's something there. I have not and shornt not murder.
So basically, get rid of your friends, family and casual acquaintances that weigh you down, reinvent yourself, hit the road and live your best alternative live. Are they advising bitches to somehow get in witness protection?🤔
What the fuck is going on in here on this day and on this newsletter? Trixie and Katya, you’re so much better than this it pains me. Every single piece of whatever you do is better than this. Even your tweets. Your farts. Whatever. I don’t care if you decide to take my money and close this operation for good. I’m close to put this on junk mail.
Personally, I'm enjoying myself.
Oh, I’m so happy you are. Maybe I’m totally alone here. And that’s OK. For some reason these fake letters annoy me. I can imagine T+K being forced to write this content in between the fun things they do. I take more enjoyment out of a random Trixie tweet. And it feels way more authentic.
In the first post (maybe?) they said that Katya wanted to do it and Tracey said, "OK." Bc of that, I can't see forcing. I used to write a blog so would suggest something like this too; just for the funsie of creative writing. I can see where you're coming from like that something like that what you're positing could be happening but I just get the sense that it's more for fun OR someone said to them, "Substack makes $ and it's low risk/effort so why not?" If I had a platform, I'd for sure use it in this way not even for $ but just for LOLs/scratching creative writing itch. 🤷♀️ 😜👏
IN FACT, I'm having fun writing in the comments in the sort of vein that I used to write my blog before I realized my boss was reading it when I was in LA. That scared the shit out of me (even though he said he liked it) and I couldn't write with any specificity/fuckery anymore. Shit got real vague. "This weekend, I went to a museum [MUSEUM NOT NAMED]. We [OTHER PERSON NOT NAMED] had something to eat [POT BROWNIE NOT NAMED] and watched a movie [MOVIE NOT NAMED]. We had fun [WERE STONED AND LOL-SCREAMED THROUGHOUT]. What a nice day [OF UNBRIDLED PUBLIC DEBAUCHERY]." When I read them back? Even I didn't know WTF the contents of these missives were and I haven't gotten my fuckery back. I feel like you pals can take it.
You’re adorable and I like you so much.
But about this Gooped thing, I blame myself for being impulsive. This is bad.
LOL I like you too! 😜