Welcome to Long Time Caller, First Time Listener, a column where we, Trixie and Katya, give you, the reader, advice. Our answers may not be valuable, but they will definitely be irrelevant. Want your question answered by us? Email goopedsubstack@gmail.com. Please include a name/pseudonym and your pronouns!
If little soft sheep is reading this, did you mean soulmates in a romantic sense, or no? Both answers seemed to assume that but I wasn't necessarily getting that from your question.
Also, it is true that straight people drop off the face of the earth when they get a partner, but so do gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, pansexuals, and all other flavors of the human race. We all know that queer person who's done this right? Or am I in a lez bubble over here?
hi! its lilsoftsheep and yes i meant soulmates in a romantic way. i could see how you werent getting that vibe from my question because im very indecisive and cant decide if its just better to view him as a romantic interest or just a really good friend.
Have you talked with him about your feelings? I'm with Trixie on believing that you should go after things when the opportunity and interest arises, but I also don't think it's necessarily bad not to take that approach to life. Whatever happens, I wish you the best of luck and hope you and he can maintain that connection. It sounds very special regardless of whether it's platonic or turns romantic.
i dislike that rupaul quote because monogamy isn't a limitation if both people agree to it. if you're feeling limited/trapped in your relationship then monogamy (or your partner) isn't right for you.
i'm not sure if Goody2Shoes will even read this but what the hell: i'm actually in a very similar boat. i met my husband when i was 24 and we've been monogamous with each other for 10 years (married for 3). he was my first romantic/sexual partner. for me, i've never been a very sexual person and i've always wanted an emotional connection with somebody before sex with them... so once i met my husband and formed a strong bond with him, nobody else has been in the question. he feels the same way too after trying out both monogamous & open relationships. and we discussed how we feel about this topic very early on in our relationship (even afterwards & before our marriage to make sure we were still on the same page).
here's what i think you should consider: how serious are these feelings you're having? because let's face it, we're all human beings and we can't help feeling attraction to other people who aren't our partners. this is completely normal. but does it end there? for me, it does. i may think another guy is attractive but i never consider anything further because my husband & the life we share is better in my eyes. do you feel the same? or do your thoughts of "touching another peen" stay with you?
if the feelings fade quickly, i would say this is normal especially since you mention he's your fiancé (i'd say these "commitment" fears are normal and common before marriage). but if they don't fade, maybe monogamy isn't for you. or maybe it is but you need to experiment more to truly figure out what you want. and that's okay! you're 25 and still have a lot to figure out about life.
i would say talking your fiancé about this is the best thing to do. see where he's at. especially BEFORE you get married! it may be an awkward conversation but it's the best thing to do. the worst case is you have different mindsets for your futures and you may part ways, which is unfortunate but would happen with time anyway if you suppressed your feelings/urges.
P.S. if you ever get to the point where you want to "touch another peen" but don't want to completely open your relationship, threesomes WITH your man might be a good place to go. wishing you the best x
Little soft sheep it's possible this person is your soulmate but it doesn't necessarily mean they are the only piece that fits your puzzle. I'm lucky to have two people in my life who fit with me, sometimes they fit in the same way and sometimes in very different ways (one has never seen Star Wars but the other sends me SW memes in the middle of the night). Don't try to constrain your relationship, go with the flow, and if it is romance you're after you can still explore this in a way that won't fuck up the friendship if you remember why you are friends in the first place.
i needed to hear this! im so stubborn when it comes to love and what i feel, that sometimes i get so ahead of myself or even drive myself insane. also, what i feel like adds to my pressure is when him and i first met, we almost got into a relationship which just didnt end up working out bc of bad communication and misunderstanding, which pains me because i always think to myself what could of been if we did end up dating. but after all this good advice ive gotten i truly feel like i have more control in this situation so thank you!!!
Thinking of what could've been can be killer; SW meme person is my best friend but we are more than that and came close to being a couple so many times however we recognise that it could have ended our relationship altogether. Only time can provide that insight and sometimes I do regret not pushing it further but honestly I'd rather have them in my life like this than not at all.
If little soft sheep is reading this, did you mean soulmates in a romantic sense, or no? Both answers seemed to assume that but I wasn't necessarily getting that from your question.
Also, it is true that straight people drop off the face of the earth when they get a partner, but so do gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, pansexuals, and all other flavors of the human race. We all know that queer person who's done this right? Or am I in a lez bubble over here?
hi! its lilsoftsheep and yes i meant soulmates in a romantic way. i could see how you werent getting that vibe from my question because im very indecisive and cant decide if its just better to view him as a romantic interest or just a really good friend.
Have you talked with him about your feelings? I'm with Trixie on believing that you should go after things when the opportunity and interest arises, but I also don't think it's necessarily bad not to take that approach to life. Whatever happens, I wish you the best of luck and hope you and he can maintain that connection. It sounds very special regardless of whether it's platonic or turns romantic.
i dislike that rupaul quote because monogamy isn't a limitation if both people agree to it. if you're feeling limited/trapped in your relationship then monogamy (or your partner) isn't right for you.
i'm not sure if Goody2Shoes will even read this but what the hell: i'm actually in a very similar boat. i met my husband when i was 24 and we've been monogamous with each other for 10 years (married for 3). he was my first romantic/sexual partner. for me, i've never been a very sexual person and i've always wanted an emotional connection with somebody before sex with them... so once i met my husband and formed a strong bond with him, nobody else has been in the question. he feels the same way too after trying out both monogamous & open relationships. and we discussed how we feel about this topic very early on in our relationship (even afterwards & before our marriage to make sure we were still on the same page).
here's what i think you should consider: how serious are these feelings you're having? because let's face it, we're all human beings and we can't help feeling attraction to other people who aren't our partners. this is completely normal. but does it end there? for me, it does. i may think another guy is attractive but i never consider anything further because my husband & the life we share is better in my eyes. do you feel the same? or do your thoughts of "touching another peen" stay with you?
if the feelings fade quickly, i would say this is normal especially since you mention he's your fiancé (i'd say these "commitment" fears are normal and common before marriage). but if they don't fade, maybe monogamy isn't for you. or maybe it is but you need to experiment more to truly figure out what you want. and that's okay! you're 25 and still have a lot to figure out about life.
i would say talking your fiancé about this is the best thing to do. see where he's at. especially BEFORE you get married! it may be an awkward conversation but it's the best thing to do. the worst case is you have different mindsets for your futures and you may part ways, which is unfortunate but would happen with time anyway if you suppressed your feelings/urges.
P.S. if you ever get to the point where you want to "touch another peen" but don't want to completely open your relationship, threesomes WITH your man might be a good place to go. wishing you the best x
Little soft sheep it's possible this person is your soulmate but it doesn't necessarily mean they are the only piece that fits your puzzle. I'm lucky to have two people in my life who fit with me, sometimes they fit in the same way and sometimes in very different ways (one has never seen Star Wars but the other sends me SW memes in the middle of the night). Don't try to constrain your relationship, go with the flow, and if it is romance you're after you can still explore this in a way that won't fuck up the friendship if you remember why you are friends in the first place.
i needed to hear this! im so stubborn when it comes to love and what i feel, that sometimes i get so ahead of myself or even drive myself insane. also, what i feel like adds to my pressure is when him and i first met, we almost got into a relationship which just didnt end up working out bc of bad communication and misunderstanding, which pains me because i always think to myself what could of been if we did end up dating. but after all this good advice ive gotten i truly feel like i have more control in this situation so thank you!!!
Thinking of what could've been can be killer; SW meme person is my best friend but we are more than that and came close to being a couple so many times however we recognise that it could have ended our relationship altogether. Only time can provide that insight and sometimes I do regret not pushing it further but honestly I'd rather have them in my life like this than not at all.
thank you ladies for the great advice and thoughts!!! i adore you both so very much 🤍
i’m living for the analogies