Welcome to Long Time Caller, First Time Listener, a column where we, Trixie and Katya, give you, the reader, advice. Our answers may not be valuable, but they will definitely be irrelevant. Want your question answered by us? Email goopedsubstack@gmail.com. Please include a name/pseudonym and your pronouns!
RE: the kid thing. My husband and I tried for a while, it just never really materialized, and I wasn't dying to have kids enough to go the whole invitro route. And I am really happy with my decision. I guess it is a bit eugenics deciding for me, but seriously - I have severe idiopathic scoliosis, have had to have two major back surgeries, multiple minor procedures, I'm not neurotypical, neither is my husband, and I struggle with being fat. Also, there is the whole thing with the earth on fire and economic collapse imminent. Also, we like having disposable income to do things like purchase season tickets to Broadway touring shows and impulsively take vacations to France.
Honestly, it kind of rocks being adults with two professional incomes and no kids. I do worry about who will take care of me in old age, but there are also bullets for that, so. Do what you want, weigh the pros and cons, and make the right decision for your family (because yes, even if it is "just" the two of you, you are still a family).
Katya is spot fucking on with #2. Having kids is amazing but it’s fucking hard too. I feel like people don’t talk about that enough outside the whole “lol mommy needs her grown up grape juice” bullshit culture.
With respect to question 1, the M&G experience is always SO much better if you can reign in your nerves enough to just have a normal, casual human interaction. When I met Trixie over the summer, I was super nervous because, famously, she does not enjoy M&Gs (and neither do I). I’m not the type of person who feels comfortable telling strangers how much I like them, and I firmly believe that whatever these two weirdos mean to me has more to do with me than with them and is therefore not really their business anyway. That being said, Trixie was extremely kind, and after she complimented my makeup, we just talked for ~3 minutes about our shared love for makeup and Trixie Cosmetics. It was, for me, a perfect M&G experience. My point is that, even though these are people we love and have probably cried over in our bedrooms at 2:00 AM, they’re still normal people who want you to enjoy yourself, and they’re going to do what they can to make you feel comfortable. As long as you don’t throw up or pass out, you’ll be fine. 💕
To Q1: I’m terrible at meeting people so M&G are scary for me. But when Katya came to my country I didn’t doubt for a second to buy the VIP ticket with the M&G and was without a doubt one of the best experiences in my life. I was lucky enough to be the first one she meet that night, Katya immediately hug me, complimented my English, and asked me if we were going for tacos after the show (we didn’t 😩 but that’s ok 😒😂). What I’m trying to say is that you love them for a reason and they are truly amazing. Just enjoy the experience, forget about any details (I look horrible in my picture with Katya but I still cherish it as the greatest photo ever taken) and have fun.
To Q3: I have taken a couple of boudoir photos shoots. In one of them I met a woman that told me that she wanted those photos for herself because her body was for her to enjoy first and share it with someone when she felt like it. She also told me to always ask a woman “what you love about your self?” Before any photo shoot and focus on that and enhance it so I help her to see herself trough her own power. And it works, I think that when you focus on show the world what you enjoy about yourself the right people would see you.
oof, I feel you! Weight fluctuation is REAL, and is especially frustrating when it's linked to medical issues outside of your control. I have been there and also I AM there.
Something that I have done in my own dating app experience (as someone whose weight *and* gender presentation has fluctuated significantly over the last decade) is taken photos of myself with my phone's camera timer (propping my phone up against a pot plant, on a stack of books, etc) that look as if someone else took them.
I get very self-conscious about asking people, even close friends, to take my photograph! Taking your own photos with a timer is a way to experiment with different angles and looks without any of the painful vulnerability of having to do that experimentation while being perceived by another human being. It also gives more variety than just selfies and gives you the opportunity to show your interests through photos -- I have staged photos of myself looking lovingly at bookcases, passionately gesticulating as though in mid-conversation, touching plants in my garden, and lounging languorously in a wooden cabin, among many other things.
I know it might feel a bit weird at first but truly, truly, deeply, it's a great (and in my opinion, the least painful) way to get good photos of yourself and ultimately build your confidence.
Also, though it hurts my heart immensely to say this, I would disagree with Katya slightly. I think you SHOULD use up-to-date photos (though I agree that you should use up-to-date photos that show you in your best light, not on your most goiterous day). You want to actually be going on dates with these people, right? It feels intensely anxiety-inducing to be planning to see someone IRL when you know you look different to what they think you'll look like -- it's not worth it, truly.
You will definitely still get matches if you use photos that show you at your current weight, especially if you have photos that show you being happy and in your element (e.g. laughing with an imaginary friend who's just outside of range). Honestly, yeah, you might get less, and that is a bit shit - but the people who swipe left on this version of you can get fucked, and you'll still get enough matches to build meaningful, fun connections with people. Have fun!
The "as someone who's not a fan of eugenics" following Trixie's segment sent me to space
RE: the kid thing. My husband and I tried for a while, it just never really materialized, and I wasn't dying to have kids enough to go the whole invitro route. And I am really happy with my decision. I guess it is a bit eugenics deciding for me, but seriously - I have severe idiopathic scoliosis, have had to have two major back surgeries, multiple minor procedures, I'm not neurotypical, neither is my husband, and I struggle with being fat. Also, there is the whole thing with the earth on fire and economic collapse imminent. Also, we like having disposable income to do things like purchase season tickets to Broadway touring shows and impulsively take vacations to France.
Honestly, it kind of rocks being adults with two professional incomes and no kids. I do worry about who will take care of me in old age, but there are also bullets for that, so. Do what you want, weigh the pros and cons, and make the right decision for your family (because yes, even if it is "just" the two of you, you are still a family).
Katya is spot fucking on with #2. Having kids is amazing but it’s fucking hard too. I feel like people don’t talk about that enough outside the whole “lol mommy needs her grown up grape juice” bullshit culture.
With respect to question 1, the M&G experience is always SO much better if you can reign in your nerves enough to just have a normal, casual human interaction. When I met Trixie over the summer, I was super nervous because, famously, she does not enjoy M&Gs (and neither do I). I’m not the type of person who feels comfortable telling strangers how much I like them, and I firmly believe that whatever these two weirdos mean to me has more to do with me than with them and is therefore not really their business anyway. That being said, Trixie was extremely kind, and after she complimented my makeup, we just talked for ~3 minutes about our shared love for makeup and Trixie Cosmetics. It was, for me, a perfect M&G experience. My point is that, even though these are people we love and have probably cried over in our bedrooms at 2:00 AM, they’re still normal people who want you to enjoy yourself, and they’re going to do what they can to make you feel comfortable. As long as you don’t throw up or pass out, you’ll be fine. 💕
To Q1: I’m terrible at meeting people so M&G are scary for me. But when Katya came to my country I didn’t doubt for a second to buy the VIP ticket with the M&G and was without a doubt one of the best experiences in my life. I was lucky enough to be the first one she meet that night, Katya immediately hug me, complimented my English, and asked me if we were going for tacos after the show (we didn’t 😩 but that’s ok 😒😂). What I’m trying to say is that you love them for a reason and they are truly amazing. Just enjoy the experience, forget about any details (I look horrible in my picture with Katya but I still cherish it as the greatest photo ever taken) and have fun.
To Q3: I have taken a couple of boudoir photos shoots. In one of them I met a woman that told me that she wanted those photos for herself because her body was for her to enjoy first and share it with someone when she felt like it. She also told me to always ask a woman “what you love about your self?” Before any photo shoot and focus on that and enhance it so I help her to see herself trough her own power. And it works, I think that when you focus on show the world what you enjoy about yourself the right people would see you.
To Q3 --
oof, I feel you! Weight fluctuation is REAL, and is especially frustrating when it's linked to medical issues outside of your control. I have been there and also I AM there.
Something that I have done in my own dating app experience (as someone whose weight *and* gender presentation has fluctuated significantly over the last decade) is taken photos of myself with my phone's camera timer (propping my phone up against a pot plant, on a stack of books, etc) that look as if someone else took them.
I get very self-conscious about asking people, even close friends, to take my photograph! Taking your own photos with a timer is a way to experiment with different angles and looks without any of the painful vulnerability of having to do that experimentation while being perceived by another human being. It also gives more variety than just selfies and gives you the opportunity to show your interests through photos -- I have staged photos of myself looking lovingly at bookcases, passionately gesticulating as though in mid-conversation, touching plants in my garden, and lounging languorously in a wooden cabin, among many other things.
I know it might feel a bit weird at first but truly, truly, deeply, it's a great (and in my opinion, the least painful) way to get good photos of yourself and ultimately build your confidence.
Also, though it hurts my heart immensely to say this, I would disagree with Katya slightly. I think you SHOULD use up-to-date photos (though I agree that you should use up-to-date photos that show you in your best light, not on your most goiterous day). You want to actually be going on dates with these people, right? It feels intensely anxiety-inducing to be planning to see someone IRL when you know you look different to what they think you'll look like -- it's not worth it, truly.
You will definitely still get matches if you use photos that show you at your current weight, especially if you have photos that show you being happy and in your element (e.g. laughing with an imaginary friend who's just outside of range). Honestly, yeah, you might get less, and that is a bit shit - but the people who swipe left on this version of you can get fucked, and you'll still get enough matches to build meaningful, fun connections with people. Have fun!