Tour Diary

Here’s a recap of the past week on tour, with some exclusive tips for making the most of your evening at Trixie and Katya Live.

What do you know about New York? Also Miss Wacky waving inflatable tube woman is SERVING

Trixie:

Tour is going swimmingly. Here’s some fun suggestions to make the most of your show-viewing experience.

1. No ketamine or G. The opening night we had someone in the front row bobbing and swaying in his seat like he was one punch from a K.O. He then started puking down his frontside while we, the young actresses, had to continue with the sacred text while pretending he wasn’t being carried out in a stretcher.

2. Come early for merchandise! The line is very very long by the end of the show so if you want to pop off, come pop off early.

3. Laugh but don’t yell things. We are very feeble-minded faggots in wigs and shapewear and we already have enough to worry about without you adding jokes and confusing our tiny brains. I know that you believe you are contributing to the show experience but everyone around you feels differently. I don’t care if the ghost of George Carlin manifests and wants to add a zinger–just be the audience and we will take care of the rest.

4. Don’t record the show. I know you want this moment to last forever but the irony is that if you were filming you already missed it. We can’t have the other children’s show experiences be muddled by leaked footage. If I see your phone I will take it away and never give it back. Never. I need extra phones anyway for when I need to whip one at my assistant in one of my adorable tirades. 

Katya:

Last night in Salt Lake City I was ready to fall in love but instead my sewing machine fell on me while I was sleeping in the bus. 

The shows have been going so well, but I have never felt so old and rickety. I think I performed maybe 3 times during the past two years, so this has been quite the adjustment. 

I would like to make a general plea. Please come and have sex with me. Please bring a Covid test. It’s getting serious. Thank you.