Welcome to Long Time Caller, First Time Listener, a column where we, Trixie and Katya, give you, the reader, advice. Our answers may not be valuable, but they will definitely be irrelevant.
Question 1: Hey divas,
First I’d like to thank you both for helping me find a roommate. I’m starting college this fall, and looking for a roommate these past few months has been terrifying. The faceless profiles that post pictures of their pickup trucks and would most definitely hate crime me were everywhere. Luckily, I found one fierce hunty among the group that I didn’t want to hit with a baseball bat. To make a long story short, we really hit it off over our mutual love for UNHhhh and you two hot sluts. anyways, that doesn’t change the fact I am an introvert and absolutely hate the thought of living in such a small dorm room with someone else. Advice on how to not go crazy and survive this less than optimal situation for a year?
Jimmy
Trixie: Living with people sucks. I’ve been with my partner who I love and adore for almost six years and I still won’t move in with that bitch. The main tea is you just will be leaving your dorm when you want to be alone. Jogging, trips to the library, coffee shops etc., that’s going to be key to you coming back to your dorm room and not wanting to snatch someone’s face off like that one monkey from the news.
I also really encourage you to get to know your roommate’s schedule. My roommate in college left most weekends to visit his girlfriend Claudia so I was used to having the room to myself at least one day a week.
Also–normalize telling people that you need to be alone. It’s so easy–I wish I started doing it earlier in life.
Katya: I had two nightmare experiences with roommates. I won’t go into detail here because there’s not enough time, but long story short: If I had been able to speak up and advocate for myself rather than be a silent seething pot of boiling rage, he might still be alive today. The key when you have to share a bedroom with someone at an overpriced university is not being there. Like Trixie said, share your schedules and you can both dodge bullets.
Question 2: Hi gals,
I am a woman in my late 20s living in Brooklyn and I recently made the somewhat unhinged decision to leave all my responsibilities behind and go to pastry school in Paris for the summer. Inspired by a lifelong passion for baking and two years of covid-times (and ennui caused by said covid-times), this seemed like an incredible idea when I put down the deposit, but now that it's mere weeks away I am starting to mildly panic. I do not know anyone in Paris, barely know French despite my 110 day duolingo streak (don't worry, the classes are in English), and haven't left the country since 2019! What is your advice for a girl trying to make the most of her summer abroad in a foreign city? I'm not an especially socially anxious person, but making new friends is a little intimidating. Tell me how to have a fun, sexy, carefree summer while I learn to make fussy French desserts, please!
xoxo,
Une petite pâtissière nerveuse
Trixie: It seems like you are an impulsive and ambitious young woman who skipped giving herself bangs and ran straight Into Julie & Julia territory. Fortune favors the bold and we’re taking an extremely big swing here holding a giant cement-like baguette.
When you seek education for something artistic, just know you might come out of this at best an incredible pastry chef and at worst someone who never wants to bake again. What I like about this is that you’re wanting to learn about something you love and I think you can never go wrong in that scenario.
As long as you don’t spin this into some kind of half-baked self-indulgent Emily in Paris scenario, you’re living life. If you enjoy yourself and get your money’s worth (AKA try really hard to improve your skill set) you’ll be baking for your grandkids someday, still happy that you fed and watered a passion of yours.
Katya: You’re a woman on the verge of a nervous break-through. Prepare to be swept away!
Question 3: Hi Trixie and Katya!!
I am a broke college student that loves going to local drag shows and I love being able to meet/support all the different drag artists. The thing is, I’m broke af and tipping everyone can add up - especially here in Canada where we don’t have $1 bills. I feel so bad not being able to tip each artist every time but I still want to support everyone and keep coming out to see the shows!! Do you have any advice for this? Thanks ladies love y’all <3
-a gay canadian gal
Trixie: I’m going to have to side with the drag queens in this scenario. If you go out to eat a lot but don’t have the money to tip, you should go out to eat less. These drag queens are 99% of the time barely breaking even at a gig so your $1 is so so important.
$1 per song is pretty customary but as long as you tip each girl at least once that night, you can maintain pretty good karma. Never forget that these women on stage are whores and they are there to pay bills.
You might love Starbucks strawberry açaí refreshers but if one a day is too much dough, you scale back. It’s better to see one drag show a week and not break your budget. The dolls will always be there next week and they’ll be just as happy to take your dollar then 🏆
Katya: Dont feel bad—there’s plenty you offer by just showing up and enjoying the queens! If you can’t tip every time what you can do to support the queens is what you are doing: show up and scream, cheer and applaud! More people in the audience means more success for the queen. Just make sure you’re not being overly extra or blocking anyone who’s trying to tip. As they say: Even if you’re not wearing a cup, you can still be an athletic supporter.
I got very lucky with my freshman year roommate. There was no drama, we never had any kind of major disagreement, and got on well. Looking back on it, I realize it was because we never actually became very close, either. We were friendly, we shared the same major, had friends in common, and common interests, but we never became super ultra besties like a lot of the other roommates around us. We always maintained a bit of a distance, and respected each other's space and privacy. She was a much more mature and grounded person than me, and taught me the value of just communicating to a person that you need quiet, or alone time, or you plan to bring someone over. We made a mutual agreement that we would never have more than one guest in the room at a time, and that guest would be limited to a stay of two hours. More than one person or more than a two hour time frame required vacating the room and going somewhere else. It really made for a peaceful and relaxing living situation for a freshman dorm.
Meanwhile, the drama unfolding all around us was continual and insane and so bad it made the all ages gay bar my friends all frequented seem like an oasis of calm civilization. These bitches were losing their goddamn minds. And it was all because they became Super Besties right away, then had some sort of falling out (usually over a dude named Kenneth or Jackson), then started hating each other, then living together became pure hell.
This was really a lot just to say: be friendly with your roommate, but don't get too close to them too quickly if at all. Set boundaries in the beginning and adjust over time as needed. Communication is key. Don't spend too much time there.
the girls responded to my question 🥹