Unpaid Spokeswomen #25

Welcome to Unpaid Spokeswomen, a column where we log what we’ve been into this week. Behind the wigs, makeup, costumes, and several layers of irony, we are two humans who genuinely enjoy doing things. Here is a weekly roundup of our unfiltered expert recommendations.

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Trixie:

Crocs

I am sorry for the way that I am. As I write this, I am embarrassed, disappointed, and in disbelief that I have shifted to the dark side. I feel like Anakin Skywalker slowly embracing his dark path. (I haven’t seen Star Wars but I think that’s what happens.) 

After years of damning these shoes to hell and abruptly disengaging with anyone sporting this rubber hell slipper, I have been converted. Brittany Broski, Nicole Byer, Very Gay Paint, and many others have slowly given me a life-saving transfusion of style. I feel like one of those straight men who starts dating a hot Christian girl and becomes super religious almost overnight. After a pregnancy scare we become engaged in under six months. Instead of attending Bible study and changing my IG bio to a secular passage, I have begun wearing an unfashionable rubber shower shoe.

Now let me clarify that my love is conditional and knows bounds. I wear my Crocs backstage or on set when I am between scenes in drag and being barefoot would be inappropriate. Wearing a house-shoe backstage seems dirty and sporty slides feel bro-ish. The crocs offer breathability, comfort, and a wonderful conversation starter. “Hello, I can tell by your footwear that you are also disgusting and devoid of any real individuality and so you have based your personality on a garden clog. Care to chat?”

Watching Sharon Spellman Kick Robin Out of Her Salon

I understand that this viral video is probably old now and all three parties portrayed in the security footage have long moved past this iconic exchange. I also understand that most people need to watch someone once and they can be fulfilled by the brief burst of one-time viewership. They can process what they say, perhaps talk about it on the phone with a friend or trusted colleague, and move on. I am not like most people..

I have watched this video, no exaggeration, once a week for literally a year and a half. “That was a lot, Robin” has pretty much been my “it be like that sometimes” since about October of 2020. I once stayed up all night drinking and had a three way in a blackout with a couple in Milwaukee and when the Uber took me home still spinning at 8am, I remember touching the driver’s shoulder and professing, “that was a lot, Robin,” before exiting the Prius. 

If you haven’t seen, the clip basically shows a hairstylist, her assistant, and their client in the throes of an argument. The heated communication reaches a peak boiling point when the client, Robin, attempts to hit the stylist, Sharon. The hairstylist yeets Robin from the house of hair faster than you can say “ammonium thioglycolate.” The assistant looks on shocked as the service provider/client relationship is irreparably damaged live on camera.

Each time I watch this clip, I find a new piece of information. The timbre of Robin’s voice. The wall decal that says “My Happy Place.” Sharon’s messy top-knot. The whole thing plays out like a SNL skit. After attending beauty school myself and working for years behind the front desk of an upscale salon, I know that our beauty industry professionals are mistreated on a daily basis and it’s inspiring to see a provider stand up for herself in the face of adversity. GO, SHARON.

Katya:

Sijo Eucalyptus bedding

I have been doing a bunch of exploratory buying in the bedding department since I got a lovely new bed frame. So far, these eucalyptus sheets from Sijo are my favorite. As many of you know I am a disgusting sweaty bitch, so I have been looking for bedding that would help me sweat less. These motherfuckers have done the trick. They are so soft and lovely, and it has been absolutely incredible how cooling they are. Every night I’ve used them, I’ve woken up dry as a bone and cool as a cucumber. I got the green ones and they are so pretty. 

They’re a little pricey–the sheet set was about $200. I’ve noticed that after the first wash, the color faded a bit, and they do unfortunately stain pretty easily. If you get them, and do sex on them, be careful. I would advise you do not get even a drop of silicone lubricant on them.

Anton Ptushkin’s Travel Youtube videos

If you want to travel but are not sure where to go, check out this lovely Russian guy’s youtube channel. He visits countries all around the world and produces incredibly high quality, absolutely gorgeous travelogue videos that offer a comprehensive overview of what to see and when to do it and about how much it’ll cost to a given place. He’s funny, cute and I would like to marry him. The videos are great, because if you’re broke and can’t afford to go anywhere, you’ll feel like you’ve been to each place, especially if you watch on a big screen.