Unpaid Spokeswomen #11

Welcome to Unpaid Spokeswomen, a column where we log what we’ve been into this week. Behind the wigs, makeup, costumes, and several layers of irony, we are two humans who genuinely enjoy doing things. Here is a weekly roundup of our unfiltered expert recommendations.

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Trixie:

Hi-Chews

The website calls these “The Famous Fruity Chewy Candy from Japan.” I would say that this is accurate. These are so cushy and chewy. Think Starburst without the waxy feel and more like a really hard marshmallow or something. Airy, smooth, so delicious and refreshing. My assistant Brandon knows that I love these so he added these to my rider and so whenever I have a TV gig, the dressing room has a bag of these for me. Every time I have one I am reminded that I have one life to live and I must enjoy it by eating more Hi-Chews.

The only issue with these is that they are individually wrapped and therefore become a task when I am trying to shovel them into my gob at a rate of four chews per minute. I have been known to remain still and inhale an entire bag of these in one sitting which really shocking considering the Japanese clearly intended these to be enjoyed as a one-piece-per-serving experience. But trust me– nothing stops me.

I found out from the internet that Hi-Chews have been around for like 100 years which is kind of a gag. You can even get different flavors and variations! Superberry, sour, and my personal favorite–tropical. 

Tropical Hi-Chews. I mean hello???

The Diva Rules by Michelle Visage

I know what you’re thinking–Trixie, you recommended a book to us LAST week. Are we really to believe that you are just sitting your little bald ass around and reading books. Yes! I’m a new person now and that person reads books. I’ve been under the weather for about a week now and so reading is who I am since I don’t really watch TV. 

To be transparent, Michelle Visage sent me a copy of this book in like 2015 upon whence I proceeded to put the book on my bookshelf with my other free books I get from people and let it be a lovely piece of decor. I didn’t read much at the time and I’m sure this current reading phase I’m in will pass as soon as I’m done being sick. (I even missed a few days of filming Netflix! That’s how sick I’ve been.) I recently wrapped a TV program which cast Michelle and I together and so I figured reading The Diva Rules would give us something to talk about. People like being flattered and truthfully I knew very little about the life and times of Michelle Visage other than her reading drag queens into the ground on television. The result was a colorful and surprising gag…

Michelle’s career is full of a very motivating array of extreme highs and lows. One moment she’s a pop star traveling the world in the first interracial female girl group Seduction, the next moment she’s getting paid cash to do announcements for oil wrestling competitions at a strip club. She spent years trapped in a management contract that left her broke at the end of her ride at the top. What I also didn’t know about Michelle is that she is homegrown from the 80’s ball scene- the same world that birthed drag culture as we know it today. 

The Diva ABSOLUTELY Rules.

Katya:

DUNE (2021)

Mary I got one word for you, and a short one at that with just four letters it’s D-U-N-E. That’s right, Denis Villeneuve’s first entry in a new take on the Frank Herbert sci-fi world, is in my humble opinion, PERFECT! Of course I would encourage you to visit the largest movie theater screen you can find and watch it there but you know what? I sat down on my couch at home and watched it as soon as it was available on HBO MAX, yes I sure did. I have watched the movie 5 times since it came out, and then went to see it in the theater for a stunning sixth time, only this was no ordinary theater. This was the…

REGAL LA LIVE & 4DX

This experience was totally ridiculous from the start. So, just like at any movie theater the first order of business is getting a warm salted pretzel food product. They were so generous to include with the pretzels a small open cup of liquid cheese filled to the absolute brim that I would not eat if it was the last food on earth. In hindsight, walking into this theater with an item so easily spillable is not just reckless, it’s insane. This is no ordinary movie theater seat, it’s a full blown Universal Studios stationary roller coaster that not only jostles you side to side and up and down to mimic the action on-screen so much that it will surely bring some of you to the brink of motion sickness several times. The entire picture was presented in 3D which was great, as the movie is just so superb in every detail. And the theater adds its own sensory flourishes to heighten the experience and literally have you hanging on the edge of your seat. There’s smoke and wind effects, there are flashing explosions, a few short but impactful stabbing jabs in the back of your chair, which is so helpful as a viewer to just get that information in my body and move on; in other movies I often waste several minutes wondering where a character was stabbed and then miss some important dialogue and just like that woops I’m bored and headed out of the theater and moving on to a different leisure activity altogether. But at the 4DX theater I walk out knowing exactly in my own body where the people were stabbed and we need that, all of us. It’s $30 a ticket which is wild, and it’s a pretty tacky experience, but it was a hoot. Just be sure not to order the giant hot bowl of broth.