Things You, A Person, Need To Know About Wisconsin

I know that by this point in time, many of you consider me a Hollywood starlet with very little backstory to shade in an apparently immaculate upbringing. Statuesque, impossibly feminine, and somehow naturally platinum blonde, people can’t imagine my upbringing was anything less than gold-plated and metropolitan. When you see a thin, gorgeous icon like me, you see privilege, wealth, and breeding.

Shockingly, all of these assumed truths are false. (Except for the breeding part, but what do you expect? I am in PREP commercials.)