Long Time Caller, First Time Listener #37

Welcome to Long Time Caller, First Time Listener, a column where we, Trixie and Katya, give you, the reader, advice. Our answers may not be valuable, but they will definitely be irrelevant.

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Question 1: Hi Trixie! Hi Katya! I hope you are both doing great.

So here’s my problem:

I recently found out that I’m non binary and, honestly, I couldn’t be happier! I feel so much better, but there one thing that I can’t figure out: my new name. 

Obviously, non binary people don’t have to change their names if they don’t wish to do so but my birth name doesn’t reflect who I am anymore and I really want to change it. The annoying thing is that I can’t find one that works for me. I don’t feel connected to any name so far, but I thought that maybe a few suggestions from you two could help me make a decision! You both have creative and brilliant minds and I can’t think of better people to trust with this. 

So, any suggestions? :)

Struggling and indecisive enby

Trixie: Just do “River.” It’s genderless and pretty but also it’s like the LGBT “Bob” or “Jennifer” so there’s plenty of Rivers there already and so you never have to spell it out.

Also I think it communicates a chosen name which means people won’t ask twice about your former names etc.

Also don’t get too married to it either way. You can always update it as you go! I was called “Beef” through all of middle school and high school and now pretty much everyone calls me Trixie. So the “official” name you choose is fairly insignificant and not binding.

Katya: I believe it was a member of New Kids on the Block who famously crooned, “surely a rose by any other name would still smell as juicy.” Personally, I maintain a strict utilitarian view point when it comes to names. That’s what I appreciate about Slavic cultures for example. There’s a dozen or so first names to choose from, followed by a version of your Dad’s name in the middle, add a last name and you’re all set! You can get really hung up on the perfect name, but I would just opt for something easy to read and nice to say that won’t embarrass you when you hear it screamed at the DMV or dentist office. I’ll once again defer to Olympia Dukakis from Steel Magnolias, who provided some very helpful tips on gay names: “All gay men have track lighting. And all gay men are named Mark, Rick, or Steve.”

Question 2: Hi bald and beautiful, 

I moved from Portugal to the US recently to be with my girlfriend and I have some questions about this country. Why is everything so expensive and large in size? 

Short and sweet, just like me (I'm 5'1). 

Have a wonderful day,

Mafs

Trixie: America is all about capitalism and the easiest way to make people pay more is to make them feel they are receiving more. Free gifts with purchase, buy one get one, jumbo sizes of normal sized items… all transparent ploys from companies to try to reach deeper into your pockets.

In some cases, it’s really nice. If your favorite sunscreen comes in a larger size it’s better for the environment and your pocketbook to scoop it up. Or if your perfume you love comes in a jumbo size for holiday let’s say and is sold with a free travel size, it’s such a blessing on your wallet long-run. However, bigger cars suck up more gas. Bigger apartments facilitate hoarding and take longer to clean. And bigger wigs means you have to lay down in the back of Ubers like a dead body.

Katya:  My guess would be it has something to do with capitalism, over-consumption, saving money, doomsday prep, and/or being the best/the most indestructible. America, in general, is not exactly a bustling hub for the cute or the quaint. It’s hard to make blanket generalizations about why things are such a way in a country this large and diverse but I think it’s safe to assume that something to do with the Catholic Church, the food pyramid, and the pathological fear of inadequate penis size.

Question 3: Hello dear stars,

I want to make things. I guess the traditional route would be art school but I think I've heard Katya not be that into universities/art schools and I'm wondering when you decided to become a therapist after performing arts did you feel like you were giving up on the expressive parts of yourself? I've always had a problem with time and pressure and how I spend it: confused about how I want to spend my life, ambition, what i'm actually interested in... 

How do you navigate a creative career?

you are both rays of sunshine!

Nancy (17)

Trixie: Girl you are 17. The ink isn’t even dry on your birth certificate and you are already self-diagnosing your personality defects. Give yourself some slack and know that a career in the arts doesn’t make you a good artist. And choosing to let your artistry remain a passion and not a commodity doesn’t make you a quitter. 

I will indulge something probably more honest than I’ve ever been on GOOPED. Success in the creative field is all about work. I, Trixie, have never thought I was the prettiest, the best singer, the funniest comic, the best makeup artist, or anything like that. But I always knew I would succeed because I knew that I was willing to get up earlier, stay later, and look at each one of my creative endeavors as a product to sell. It’s very rare that prodigiously talented artists have stellar business skills and a strong work ethic. 

Basically saying if you think being a successful artist means you don’t have to have a “real job,” you have miscalculated how much hard work goes into being a working artist. You’re basically opening a small business after all. Good luck!

Katya: I definitely felt a deep, regretful sense of giving up on a career in the arts when I decided to try and be a therapist. So I’m very happy things did not turn out that way, because honestly I probably would have been miserable. But now I can skip the mournful ruminations and go right to complaining! Just make your stuff, do your things, and figure out if they have any value later. Passion and interest and curiosity don’t need much encouragement to develop, just a little bit of space and some free time. And you might realize one day you’re sitting on a treasure trove of incredibly beautiful art pieces that the public must see and or buy. You also might realize that you can’t paint or sculpt for shit, so all this crap can go in the bin, but boy was it fun trying. Either way, we all die!