Long Time Caller, First Time Listener #34

Welcome to Long Time Caller, First Time Listener, a column where we, Trixie and Katya, give you, the reader, advice. Our answers may not be valuable, but they will definitely be irrelevant. 

---

---

Question 1: Hi Trixie and Katya! 

I am a young, creative, mentally unhinged 20 year old woman navigating the world in conditions that are less than ideal for living, laughing and loving. Due to the reality in which we live I have to have a part time job to pay for things I want/need. BUT, I literally HATE working, as in I don’t think I’m built to work, I literally just quit my job as a waitress last week. I’ve had a variety of jobs, waitressing (I loathe customer interaction), admin (didn’t ever know what I was supposed to be doing), I even used to make pigs in blankets in a meat factory (a truly low point of my life where I perpetually smelled like raw bacon and sausage meat). However I really think that my purpose in life is to a) become a famous director and live off my riches or b) marry a famous director and live off their riches. So my question to you both is, do you both actually enjoy your jobs? I know that you both have had multiple different careers/jobs so was it all worth it to get where you are now?

- aoife (eefa)

Trixie: Every gig is pretty much about the money, the kiki, or the experience. Or some balance of the three. You might hate your job but the money is lit. Or maybe the pay sucks but you work with your best friends and you like the vibes. Or maybe you are getting some good skill building you want to apply elsewhere and you’re meeting people in your industry.

Basically what you’re saying is that you’re passionate about leisure. I took a class in college where we studied leisure WHICH actually turned out ot be a very interesting class. When you think about it, life is short and the study of what people choose to do in their spare time is pretty cool to think about. For someone like you, you could probably place some meaning into your work if the money you make or the relationships you build or the skills you acquire served the things you loved to do. When I worked at makeup counters, I got free makeup training and a discount on product which supported my passion which was crossdressing. 

Basically what I’m saying is that you need to make peace with the fact that you have to work to survive. If this was olden timey times, you would have to be hunting or gathering in order to earn your keep in your human tribe. I literally have my dream job and it’s chock full of aspects I don’t enjoy. The pressure can be crushing. The travel is grueling. And I live in a constant mental state of “who are you fooling you untalented cow?” But you learn to balance the good and bad.

Katya: I wish I could send you an advanced copy of our new book Working Girls but alas we can’t so you’ll have to wait but in the meantime, let me just say one of the first pieces of life advice I received was: “Work sucks–that’s why they pay you for it.” I famously don’t like working, but sometimes that’s because I don’t want to do anything, and that’s less of a lifestyle and more depression, so watch out for that. The truth is that many jobs suck, and they don’t pay enough for you to enjoy your time off the clock, but it’s an unavoidable feature of this earth simulation we all seem to be participating in. 

As for your purpose, I don’t think anybody has one. I think we have interests, talents, proclivities, inclinations, and passion. Some people are certainly suited to perform certain activities and understand particular concepts much better than others. But a purpose or a calling implies to me a singular path, one that is usually loftier than making pigs in a blanket. If you hate working and want to marry a rich dude, then go for it! But that arrangement doesn’t necessarily provide any more financial security than a regular job as rich men are famous for tossing aside their wives every few years for a new one. 

To answer your question, I love my job. I couldn’t think of a better situation for myself, but that doesn’t stop me from finding things about it that I loathe. The key is to connect to gratitude, otherwise the mind will take any heavenly situation and turn it into an unbearable hell. Good luck!

Question 2: Hey ladies, 

Long story short, a little birdie told me, that one of my coworkers (who I thought was my friend) makes fun of my walking impairment to my other colleagues. Being disabled, hearing this really angered me! I’m really debating whether I confront her. One side of me loves the drama, the other side just wants to pretend I didn’t hear it. Either way, I want her to know that I know, but I don’t want to be too aggressive about it. Please help! What should I do?

-From your dearest cripple, Sadie

Trixie:  People will always be assholes. That’s pretty much the only thing you can count on. I’m bald, I’m faggy, and I’m fairly ugly. I’m pretty used to people making fun of me. It definitely sucks but I have learned as I have matured that my inner monologue is a lot more damaging than other people’s outer dialogue. You could be a completely perfect person and people will make fun of you. That’s the bad news– shitty people are unavoidable on planet earth. The good news is that your way you react to it is completely adjustable. The ultimate serve is to let it go. Don’t humor anyone because the ultimate cunt diva status move is to be unbothered.

Katya: When I was in high school, my favorite French teacher had a pretty significant facial tic. She was a beautiful eccentric woman and I was her star student all four years of high school. When I saw some kids making fun of her one day, I was so enraged I wanted to throw them out of the 5th story window and then trample their mangled bodies. I’m sure she knew that kids would make fun of her–high school kids are the devil after all, but she didn’t seem to care. You could hire someone to give this coworker a nice crowbar to the leg, but violence is not the answer. I would suggest telling them a story about how one day you and your uncle Carmine were getting ice cream and you saw some horrible piece of shit making fun of your impairment, and it upset you so much that Carmine took a nine iron out of his trunk and smashed the guy’s leg like a fucking piñata. Maybe that will put the fear of God and a little guilt into their conscience, and avoid the awkwardness of a confrontation at work.   

Question 3: Hi guys! I’ve just started the second semester of school & my math teacher is going to drive me into insanity. I see him twice a day: once for a seminar, and once for the actual class. He is nice and helpful to everybody in both classes except me. He’s constantly encouraging the class to ask him questions and whenever I have a question to ask, he sighs and acts as though I’m the dumbest person on the planet. He refuses to help me and I am going to end up failing the course. He even had the audacity to call me over after class and say he’s getting “concerned” for my grade even though I’ve asked him countless times for assistance. I’ve even contacted my school counselor and he’s done nothing. It’s gotten so bad I’m asking two drag queens for help.. what should I do? I’m feeling quite stressed!

Love you guys lots, thank you! 

-halle rose

Trixie: Just get through it. This is an instance where taking the high road is the vibe. Do you need your teacher to like you? No. You just need to be able to present a passing grade. I can remember which classes I struggled with and I can recall which teachers I felt expressly disliked me but I can’t tell you the grade percentile I ended up with.

You’ll have a few teachers in your life you will love and that’s pretty magical. But having a neutral-to-borderline-adversarial relationship with your teachers is just par for the course. Some teachers are not passionate about teaching and I find it very easy to believe that a math genius teacher lacks social finesse. Carry on miss diva.

Katya: Well, this asshole is clearly in love with you and like all math teachers, cannot access his emotions in a reasonable, healthy way and he unfairly resents you for it. If you can’t drop the class, maybe find a tutor, but beware–that tutor will likely also fall hopelessly in love with you and also try to sabotage your success. Frankly I would just avoid math altogether. Get a nice calculator, a couple of books from the library and focus on percentages, because that’s the only thing math-wise that comes in handy in the real world.