Long Time Caller, First Time Listener #40

Welcome to Long Time Caller, First Time Listener, a column where we, Trixie and Katya, give you, the reader, advice. Our answers may not be valuable, but they will definitely be irrelevant. 

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Question 1: Dear Trixie and Katya, 

I am currently in my first year of high school and it's been very hard. One of the things I'm currently struggling with is dealing with the opinions of others. I've always had a hard time not letting others' opinions affect me, but this year it's gotten even harder as my mental health has also decreased. There are some people who do not like me and they make it very obvious. Such as laughing at me when they see me, glaring at me or loudly talking about me in front of their friends while I am in the same area. It makes me feel horrible about myself and my friends and family have tried to make me feel better but I still think about their words and actions on a daily basis. I don't know how to ignore what they say or do. Any advice on how to block them out so I don't continue to think about them every day?

Lots of love, 

Virginia <3

Trixie: Virginia you can never really change what other people say about you. However you can dramatically change how you react to it.  As long as there are human beings, there will be assholes–we can’t really help that. But you get better at not caring. The way I see it you have two options:

1. Ignore it. It’s really not worth your mental and emotional bandwidth to pay attention to what they are saying.

2. Go full Carrie White. Go to the prom and get your revenge using telekinesis. 

Katya: Virginia, I’m sorry that the people at your school are acting out, but what is really going on here seems more like a case of obsession. After reading your post, the first thing to pop into my head was the song obsessed by Mariah Carey. These nasty children can’t seem to get enough of you, and while it may be hurtful and cruel, I would flip the script and ask yourself why they are so drawn into your orbit and chewing up your business? I would suspect it has something to do with you being a diva, a diva who serves and works it, and clearly these foolish children can’t help but take notice of that. They feel so threatened by your ability to serve, that they attack out of jealousy and desperation. But don’t take it personally, those rotten kids will never be the diva, so keep steppin, and keep pissin on them.

Question 2: Dear Trixie and Katya, 

My corporate job is reasonably engaging, but I don’t live for the existential grind of a 9 to 5. I am paid very well that enables me to have a relatively bougie lifestyle while also saving for an early retirement in 10-15 years. This would be the safe, predictable path but I would say not exactly living my ~fantasy~

The alternative would be for me to work for myself in some creative capacity – I’d love to write fiction. Maybe flirt with some side hustles like Twitch and YouTube because unless you’re Carrie Bradshaw (RIP), a writer’s salary is just not it. Financial insecurity is the obvious downside, but I also think my fear of flopping would be severely heightened here because it would feel so much more personal. 

What do I do?? I’ve tried doing both (writing in my free time) but I just don’t think that’s a viable option for me.

-M

Trixie: Being self-employed as a creative is great–but it’s still employment. Doing something you love for money is the most obvious way to ruin the enjoyment so just know that.

Plus–many many of my favorite Twitch streamers or YouTubers or performers still have “real” jobs. I think in America we romanticize being creatively employed when the fact is unless you’re Vanessa Williams or Banksy or something, you’ll probably always have a few types of income. Some will be creative and some won’t.

I guess what I’m saying is you should pursue your creative endeavors WHILE enjoying the comfort of a day hustle. I was literally touring the world in 2016 and between tours I would pick up lunch shifts waiting tables at Rock Bottom Milwaukee. Mostly because I always felt like if it all went away I didn’t want to have to job hunt lol. 

Katya:  I agree with Trixie–why not have both? These are not mutually exclusive scenarios. So keep the nine-to-five and let that financial stability allow you to explore and experiment with whatever kind of artsy things you want to fuck with. That way you can be free of the pressure to become an overnight DaVinci, and just let your talent develop naturally. 

Question 3: Howdy dolls! I've only been able to accept my queerness in the past year or so, which comes with a load of realizations from my 20 years on this spinning rock. I've realized that the person who made me realize I'm gay, my first queer crush (although I didn't register it at the time), and my current crush ALL have the same first name as me. One of them even has the same exact car model in the same color as I do. To my knowledge, none of them have liked me back. On another note, my best friend and I have the same first name as well.

It's not like my name is super common like John or Abigail, but that's a lot of people who take up real estate in my brain who share a first name with me. Am I a narcissist?

With love from purgatory,

A hot mess express

Trixie: Girl you have written to the right people because Katya and I are literally both named Brian. This does not reflect on us really but more our moms Pat and Val respectively. When it comes to baby names, they took the safest routes and basically picked Matt/Dave/Ben and here we are.

Having someone’s same name in bed isn’t really the issue you’d imagine it to be because you don’t use the name much when you really know someone. I call David “Dave” at this point even though I don’t think anyone else does and he hasn’t necessarily approved it. 

Honestly just do a drag name when you’re dating women. Tatianna Paris McMichaels will work just fine. Or maybe Cookie Vanderbilt so you seem slutty and rich.

Katya: “All gay men have track lighting. And all gay men are named Mark, Rick or Steve.” -Olympia Dukakis, Steel Magnolias